I have a few ideas about what happened in the meantime:

1) I had to recuperate from the Geek cruise I went on in November 2008. I had land sickness for nearly 2 weeks. At the time, I swore I would never go on another cruise, but I’ve already signed up for MacMania 10 in 2010.

2) I hosted my first ever Thanksgiving dinner. The Aunt House turns out to be a good place for having 15 people, if you can wrangle the tables and chairs. I just agreed to host it again.

(I highly recommend Take Control of Thanksgiving Dinner, an ebook in a series of otherwise Mac-related topics. The geek guide to getting ready for Thanksgiving…)

3) In April, I adopted a dog. I’ve wanted to for a long time. My wish list in life has been “a dog, a cat and a piano.” So now I can check one thing off.

My sister Peg (she of the Incredible family) encouraged me with the promise of dog-sitting readily available. “I don’t want to get a dog right now,” she said. “I want to be the aunt of a dog.” Everyone wants to be an aunt.

I found Dixie at a small animal adoption center in Portland called The Pixie Project. Before agreeing to adopt her, I took Violet and Dash over to meet her. My number one requirement in a dog was that it had to like children. Dixie stepped right up to the plate. We took her for a walk and we were all in love with her.

The kids helped to name her as well. Jack-Jack repeatedly suggested “Underdog,” but Dash suggested “Winn-Dixie,” inspired by the popular children’s book. Because I actually worked at a Winn-Dixie Kwik-Chek as a teenager, there was no way I could name her that, but just “Dixie” seemed like the perfect name for her.

I could start a whole nother blog devoted to the ups and downs of bringing a dog into your life. I might still do that. But suffice to say, having Dixie has taken a big chunk of my free time.

4) I had a car accident in June. A woman slammed into the rear of my car while I was stopped at a light. I really think she must have been texting. According to the doctor, she had to be going at least 30 mph. to cause the bruises I had.

(This woman caused damage to 4 other cars. I was the first to be hit, and that pushed me into the Mercedes in front of me. See photo.)

Nothing was broken, except the car–my poor VW bug–which was totaled. But everything was out of whack. I’ve had to do a lot of chiropractic and massage and other treatments just to get back to normal. I’m almost there.

I could hardly sit at the computer for the first month, and have been gradually more able to work. Fewer hours of work + many hours of medical appointments = low motivation for blogging.

5) The kids are growing up. It feels more complicated to blog about being the aunt. They have more activities, so I spend less time with them.

6) The Favorite Aunt competition (no, it’s not really a competition) is heating up. Uncle Bob, secure in his lifetime favorite uncle status, got married last month. My new sister-in-law is wonderful. The kids love her. A lot. She better watch her back. Now she is fair game for the blog. More about Aunt Natasha later.

7) It takes a lot of time to blog! I’m attending the Blogworld & New Media Expo in Las Vegas (not as The Favorite Aunt, but for my real job). I just thought I’d do a quick update in case I mentioned this blog to anyone here. Now it’s an hour later. I could go on… but not right now!

Yesterday I went out to brunch with my very good friends Greg and Yunor (Greg is the “boss” of me, Yunor is his partner) and our friend Sean, also down for Macworld. We were at a pretty funky neighborhood joint in Castro Valley called JDs. We sat outside (yay, California!), a couple of tables away from a big family.

While we were waiting for our food, Yunor noticed that the little girl at that table, who was about 4, had wandered over to an empty table, picked up the salt and pepper shakers and licked the tops of them. [Pause for you to say "Eww".] None of the adults at her table seemed to have noticed what she was doing.

Yunor let the waitress know, and she promptly removed the shakers from the table. The incident prompted discussion amongst the four of us (and the waitress) on the classic theme of “What is wrong with those parents?” and its accompanying riffs:
- “How could they just let her roam around the restaurant?”
- “My parents would never let me get away with that.”
- “Don’t you hate how some parents have no clue how inconsiderate they are?”

I started to feel a little sheepish about being a bit judgmental, and said, “Actually, sometimes when I’m out with the niece/nephews, letting them run around a bit, I wonder if people are saying the same things about me.”

Everyone else at the table is thinking about starting a family. I’m sure when they have kids, there will be moments out in public where total strangers will think “What is wrong with THOSE parents?” I’ve definitely learned, from observing parenting up close, that it’s an ever-changing mixture of art and science. Kids don’t behave and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.

Still, I am pretty sure that I’ve never let Jack-Jack lick the tops of salt shakers while we have been out… and my parents certainly would have never let me do that.

He wasn’t crying or freaking out, and there was a bandage already on the hand, so I was confused as to how it had happened. And I froze for a second. I didn’t know what to do first. Court, my brother-in-law, was nearby, and I managed to say, “Hey, come here. Jack-Jack’s hand is dripping with blood.”

It turns out that Jack-Jack had gotten a nasty cut over the Christmas holidays while visiting Court’s family back east. Somehow he opened that back up. Court carried him off to clean up the cut and rebandage it.

Later, Uncle Bob said “Did you lift up his arm over his head?” I said no, that I didn’t know what to do right away. And I admitted my embarrassing secret: I hesitated because I was afraid of getting blood on myself. Bob said, “You’re coming with me to a first aid course at the Red Cross.” Bob is required to attend these because he runs a foster home for developmentally-disabled adults.

I guess I need to add “Learn First Aid” to my 2008 Aunt Resolutions.

1) Get more pictures taken with the niece/nephews

I don’t have enough photos of myself and the niece/nephews. Instead of wishing I had more from when they were younger, I’m going to make sure to take more now before they get any older. That means handing the camera to someone else once in a while, instead of just taking photos or video myself.

(Right: me and Violet when she was not yet one year old, I think…)

2) Find good healthy foods that the kids like

So often when I babysit the kids, dinner will be something from the freezer or the takeout window. I know one easy healthy food that they like: cucumbers, sliced up. They’ll eat those as if they were cookies. I need to figure out more meals that I like to cook and they like to eat.

To that end, I’ve put a couple books on hold at the library:

The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids’ Favorite Meals

Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food.

Sigh. I hate to be reduced to being sneaky or deceptive, but hopefully I’ll get some ideas for making good stuff that tastes good.

3) Find new music for the kids.

I’m ready to move beyond Dan Zanes. I’m ready to move beyond playlists of 1960s pop music. I want to discover some new artists that both the kids and I can listen to.

I’ve started with the Fids and Kamily Music Awards (yes, you read that right), which I discovered via Jumping Monkeys. Listen to Episode 24 of the podcast, when they announce the 2007 awards and play short samples from all the winners. That makes it easy to get an idea of which ones might interest you.

I’m going to start with My Green Kite by Peter Himmelman. He’s got a big bouncy hip sound and humorous, interesting lyrics. Like Dan Zanes, he started doing “grown-up” music before recording albums that are kid-friendly.

4) Spend more one-on-one time with Dash.

Dash will be 8 years old in March. I think I need to make an extra effort to spend more time with him. It’s so much easier for me to relate to Violet (9), girl-to-girl, or Jack-Jack (3), aunt-to-toddler. I’ve had sleepovers and playdates with those two, but the last time Dash had a sleepover, he was 4 (and Violet was included).

I grew up with sisters. We had a brother (Uncle Bob), but he was 7 years younger than me. I think I feel less confident with boys. Dash and I always get along fine, but I think one-on-one time really lets you get to know a kid.

I want to read Raising Cain: Protecting The Emotional Life of Boys, which I noticed at my sister’s house. Maybe that will help me get a clue about boys.

Any ideas to help me keep these resolutions? A book, a recipe, a CD that’s helped you?

From his website: “Once the lead singer of celebrated roots rock band The Del Fuegos, Zanes has found his calling creating truly age-desegregated folk music.” I love that term – “age-desegregated”. Like the Violet’s Faves CDs that I’ve made with my niece, it’s music that grown-ups can also really enjoy.

Go check out Dan Zanes’ music and videos on iTunes. I dare you to watch “House Party Time” without smiling. At $1.99, it’s cheaper than Prozac. (BTW, Uncle Bob “hearts” the keyboard player!)

You can also catch his tour. I would suggest finding a niece or a nephew to bring along so it’s not so obvious that you have a crush on Dan Zanes too…

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aunts, family, kids, music

Shushing was probably the biggest revelation to me, and the one that has worked the best. Babies in utero hear the sound of blood rushing through their mother’s circulatory system. They calm down when you “Shh” them–but not in a librarian sort of way. It has to be a really loud “SHHHH”.

One of my favorite bloggers, Merlin Mann of 43Folders, just became a dad. He mentioned in a Twitter post that running the vacuum cleaner was the “nuclear option” in his battle with the baby crying. I think the vacuum cleaner replicates the “Shh” factor that Dr. Karp recommends.

I suggested a more economical and environmentally-friendly approach: a vacuum cleaner CD. Yes, such a thing exists at Pure White Noise. For $13.45 (including shipping), you can get “Baby’s Vacuum Cleaner CD” with a full-hour of vacuuming.

(This doubles as a Noisy Neighbor Hack: I bought “Calming Electric Fan” for myself when a new neighbor with a loud stereo moved in–it works great!)

Technorati Tags:
aunts, babysitting, family, kids, babies

I registered the domain “thefavoriteaunt.com” well over a year ago. For at least a year before that, I starting thinking about creating a resource for aunts. As Voltaire said (more or less), “The perfect is the enemy of the good.” Most writers suffer from this problem.

I finally decided that despite the fact that I had not…

a) decided on the perfect blogging setup
b) designed the perfect logo
c) figured out the perfect template

… I would just get started.

I’ve officially been an aunt for nine years now, although my first “unofficial” niece just turned 18. (Gasp! I told her there was no way she could be 18 now, as I have definitely not done 18 years worth of stuff since she was born…) Like many of my girlfriends, I’m an aunt but I’m not a mom. I don’t know how one would find the statistics, but I am sure there are more and more women, like me and many of my friends, who are progeny-free aunts. We have more time (and often more disposable income) to lavish on our niece/nephews. (I will definitely need to invent a gender neutral collective noun for a group of at least one niece and one nephew. Suggestions most welcome!)

What we don’t have are resources that tell us how to be a good aunt. Or, even better, how to be the favorite. I skim Parenting magazine in the doctor’s office for good tips on handling the niece/nephews, but the material there is not really relevant. Parenting (the activity, as well as the magazine) is about being the full-time (as in 24/7/365) adult in charge.

Aunts are not full-time. (And whether I am ever really in charge seems to be open to debate with my nephew…) We can spend hours or days taking care of the niece/nephews, but we do get to hand them back to the parents and go back home to some peace and quiet. We have to be good role models, we need to enforce some degree of discipline, but not on a consistent regular basis.

To put it another way, when I’m being besieged with earnest requests for a visit to the gelato cafe before dinner, I can give in, thinking “Hey, I’m not the one who has the power to ruin them for life. Why should I have to spend the rest of the evening with grumpy children?” Like Bill Cosby, I believe that chocolate cake is good for breakfast.

I’d like to have some kind of handbook for aunts that tells me whether this is just really horrible and irresponsible. I guess I have to write my own. I am inspired by the podcast/blog Jumping Monkeys‘ motto: “Pretend you know what you are doing.”

—

I suppose I should say something about this blog’s title. I have two wonderful sisters: one is the mom of the niece/nephews, and the other is, like me, a doting aunt. We are not in competition with each other. I mean, we got over that one-year-apart-sibling rivalry ages and ages ago. I just thought “The Favorite Aunt” had a nice ring to it. Really.

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aunts, family, kids